Where do you begin and others end?
Where do you take up space? When do you make yourself small or hide?
You say yes to everything and feel resentful?
Receiving help or letting other in is difficult?
You express a boundary (and it is hard in the first place), and you are still ignored
You are angered when you have expressed your need for help and no one listens?
These are topics that I have been discussing with my therapist. I have always found boundaries a difficult concept having grown up in a family with next to no boundaries. I have been on the journey (and I think its a life long lesson) to find the courage to include my needs and express my boundaries. So I feel you!
When I have plucked up the courage to include my needs, and it has been ignored. I feel the rise in anger and I know that a boundary has been crossed again. I feel a tightness in my chest and a tenseness in my body, I feel the heat rise and my mouth spitting fire because I have been triggered. The belief 'Your needs aren't important' 'You are not good enough to be heard'. Other times, I would feel I guess the opposite in my body...this sinking in my chest, a pit in my stomach and the suppression of my expression. I didn't know that back then, but these were the signs that my boundaries had been crossed.
What do you feel in your body (if anything) when your boundary has been crossed?
'Boundaries = Ability to identify, communicate & take action on our needs' - Gloria Chan Packer
Sometimes I feel boundaries are just a game of who gives up first. But I can see that this belief comes from a place of disempowerment and not feeling good enough to express my needs.
I watched a Ted Talk (bored out my brain on a 11 hr flight), and it was exactly what I needed to hear!
(To paraphrase what I took away from it...)
Boundaries are first the ability to identify and then compassionately communicate and take action on our own needs (with yourself or with others). It landed differently this time when the speaker spoke about it not being 'me vs. you' (not a game of who gives up), but a collective way to sustain a healthy relationship and empower wellbeing for you and others.
I really like this reframe that boundaries are compassionate clear communication of how can we do this together. So thought I would share this insight with you and if you want to watch the full video Click Here . Loved this Ted Talk by Gloria Chan Packer - 'Work is not your family.'
Boundaries work is something close to my heart 💜 I wish to help empower others to take up space, to be seen and feel their needs are important! So, I am also excited to share that I will be teaming up with Dr Kelly Savery, founder & owner of Taproot Psychology. We are inviting you to join us on the 2nd September to our workshop:
This workshop is trauma-informed. It provides psycho-educational information about boundaries. It is a movement and body-oriented workshop.
You will walk away understanding:
• What a boundary is and how your boundaries feel somatically in your body
• How our survival strategies can become activated when we have boundary violation
• Better understanding when something doesn’t feel right in your body
You will also learn:
• Ways of reconnecting with your body
• Different ways to set boundaries and limits
• Ways of connection to your ‘Yes’ and self-expression
Book Now and get the Early Bird discount!